


Envious of your heart.

by Shadows_of_The_Night11



Series: Kalex Week [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Day 1, F/F, Kalex Week
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 14:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12728658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadows_of_The_Night11/pseuds/Shadows_of_The_Night11
Summary: Day 1 of the Kalex week. Alex was always envious of all the things Kara was able to do or be. However that changes when she realizes how powerful she is without powers and just being who she is.





	Envious of your heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 1 of the Kalex week day 1: Envy.  
> I shall play with the deadly sins and their counterparts later on.  
> I hope you guys enjoy it!

The Danvers household wasn’t a war zone until an alien fell from the sky or, to be more precise, two aliens. The first one wasn’t so bad and he stayed away from the Danvers for most of his life, but then he was shoving a young girl into Alex’s life, destroying everything around. It was more than the insane amount of things she broke in just two days.  
At first, Kara was a mess but she learned and then she broke something far more important even if she did.

  
The thought of losing her entire world was unfathomable so she understood Kara’s nightmares, the way she reacted although that didn’t stop the way Alex’s own world crumbled and fell around her.  
Things changed slowly, gradually and when everyone realized what had happened, Alex was nothing more than a shell of whom she had been before Kara entered her life. It all started with Eliza and Jeremiah pushing Kara into Alex’s life, forcing the girl to adapt and grow faster than she was ready to. She had to give up everything that made her happy in order to take care of Kara. Her life suddenly wasn’t hers, it had to revolve around the alien girl because if not, she had to endure the wrath of Eliza and the disappointment of Jeremiah.

  
Kara was a star and even Alex realized that from the moment she caught a glimpse of blond hair and blue eyes. She knew that she wasn’t able to compete against the girl that came from the stars and yet, Alex didn’t expect her parents to forget about her like they did. She didn’t expect them to focus solely on Kara while their own daughter faded away in the darkness. Alex didn’t expect them to become strangers and she wasn’t ready for the pain that caused.

  
When Eliza and Jeremiah forgot Alex’s birthday, she tried to hate Kara.

  
The alien girl was perfect in many ways that Alex could never be. Her grades weren’t good enough compared to someone that knew advanced science that humans were far away from discovering. Her love for the sea was forgotten when the girl next to her was able to fly. Alex loved to play guitar and yet her parents forgot about that when Kara started to sing. When Alex was proud of learning her fourth language before the end of the year, her parents were still enraptured by Kara’s native language and nothing that Alex did could capture their attention anymore.

  
She wanted to hate Kara for taking everything away.

  
Blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect smile, kind heart, and soft skin; Alex was envious of all that.

  
Her hair was too dark and messy. The color of her eyes was too common. Her smile was far from perfect and she hated the dentist although she never missed a visit. She held resentment for her parents instead of love and her skin was always burnt by the Sun. Her grades weren’t good enough anymore even when they were perfect. Alex wasn’t enough when Kara was around and it was something she couldn’t get used to. She was the star for fifteen years but then this girl came literally from another world and crashed into her life destroying everything around her; including Alex’s life.

  
However, when Kara stared blankly at the ceiling or rather through it to watch the stars; Alex couldn’t help but get closer until Kara was pressed into her side while she mourned her lost world, life, and family. The things that were gone and the things that would never be, they hurt just the same. Everything hurt and silver tears shone in the night.

  
Kara Zor-El was made of stars and her eyes were the color of the deep blue sea. However, she was more than stardust and broken dreams. Kara was a piece of the universe as much as the universe was part of her. They were entwined in a way Alex could never understand, no matter how hard she tried to push the alien away; Kara found a way to get closer.

  
Alex was always aware of Kara’s beauty even if she couldn’t expect anything less from someone that was practically handmade to be perfect. She was designed to be born to be as beautiful as the sunrise and able to bring the moon to its knees with a simple smile and Alex wasn’t immune to her charm.

  
Kara had a million stars hanging from her hair, shining like diamonds under the Sun while Kara found a way to shine under any light. She had a cold darkness behind her eyes, a reflection of the emptiness of space, and Alex made everything in her power to scare that away with warm soothing words and hot food. Kara had a black hole in the place where her heart was supposed to be and Alex thought that it would destroy everything around them. Black holes aren’t warm and sunny; they are strong and able to consume everything in their path. But instead of getting sucked into that dark place, Alex found herself into a place filled with unconditional love, admiration, mutual respect and deep devotion.

  
Kara was an angel with a level of pureness that Alex could never reach. She was certain that Kara was the closest to Heaven that she could ever be because holding Kara when the day was over and the sunset painted the sky with Rao’s light was a blessing. Alex wasn’t able to fly but when she ran her fingers through blonde hair, she was able to touch the stars.

  
There were no complains when the alien found her way to Alex’s bed more often than not and they spent countless hours sharing stories about two worlds finding each other. Two worlds collided before settling down, melding together and forming a bond stronger than steel. Alex’s arms were wrapped around Kara’s waist and the younger girl rested her head on Alex’s chest; listening to the steady heartbeat.  
The sound was calming. It was the sign of the strength of a simple human but also a new start. Alex was more than the girl that helped her find her way on Earth because from the first night they shared on Midvale, talking and with all barriers gone, Kara knew Alex was her home.

  
While the Kryptonian looked up at the stars, Alex memorized the constellations born on Kara’s skin with burning fingertips until that strong body relaxed completely. It never took look for Kara to fall asleep when Alex’s hands slipped beneath her pajama’s shirt to rub unknown patterns on the fair skin.

  
Of course, Alex was far from perfect compared to the girl that was designed that way and enhanced by the yellow sun until her hair turned golden and her beauty almost overwhelming.

  
Then again, none of that mattered when Kara looked at her with curious eyes and muttered a quiet “I love you” against her skin before she fell asleep again. Alex kept the nightmares away and offered some peace to Kara when she needed it the most. Alex was the reason why Kara’s thoughts never went too dark and on the rare occasions where they began to be too terrifying, Alex was there to talk the blonde out of them.

  
The world was small compared to the universe although it was still too big for Kara and she held into Alex like a simple human was able to know all the answers to unknown questions. Alex did not but she knew enough about life on Earth to guide Kara through the worst parts of adapting to it.

  
The fine lines between friendship and love started to blur and all the envy faded away as soon as it came.

  
Kara was so much more than what Alex could ever be and yet they weren’t so different.

  
Since the first moment, Alex knew that Kara was meant to save the world. She would carry humanity upon her shoulders if she needed to and bring peace to a world that needed to believe in something far greater than destiny. Way before Kara decided to put on the cape and rock the blue suit, Alex knew she would be a hero.

  
It’s impossible for Alex to remember the time when she made the promise to always be there for Kara. She forgot when it stopped being an order said by Eliza or Jeremiah and started being solely about Kara and the love Alex had for her. In the end, it never mattered because Alex did everything in her power to be true to her word even when she lost her way more than once. She wasn’t perfect after all.  
Only one of them was able to fly but that never stopped Alex from seeing life from a different point of view.

  
The Kryptonian would take her hand before wrapping her arms around Alex’s waist leaving the ground beneath them. They never got too high but it was enough to keep every problem away and be alone for a few minutes. Watching the city, with all the tiny lights shimmering so far away in the distance was comforting for both of them. It means this world was alive, quiet in the middle of the night although full of life. Every tiny light was the knowledge that they weren’t alone even when they craved a moment to be just the two of them. Maybe the proof they needed was precisely each other’s company.

  
They were two souls that would have never found their way into each other’s lives without a tragedy. They both were troubled in different ways and even when Alex’s fears and darkness couldn’t be compared to Kara’s, the blonde never tried to do so. Kara was willing to listen, to understand and care in a way that not even Eliza did after Jeremiah’s death.

  
“You’re beautiful,” Kara whispered one day when the sky was clear and they disappeared into the darkness around them “Your eyes, I’ve never seen something as beautiful as them.”

  
“They’re just brown, Kara.”

  
“That’s not true. They're hazel, but most importantly; they’re warm and deep. I know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling just by looking into your eyes. I’m still not sure about Earth and its people, but I know enough about emotions to read all of that into your eyes. I can see you’re beautiful. No matter what you see in the mirror, I know the truth.”

  
“You’re biased.”

  
“I am not.”

  
At the time Kara didn’t know how to express every thought on her mind. Even if she tried there was no way for her to explain how she found so many of Krypton and her family on Alex. She wouldn’t have been able to say that the yellow sun made Alex’s hair shine like the ancient crystals that Kara had only seen a couple times and only heard stories about the power they had. She couldn’t tell Alex about the way her arms made her feel safe and her voice was able to break through her darkest thoughts with an ease that not even Alura had been able to.

  
Alex knew Kara was meant to be a superhero following Kal-El’s steps but Kara knew that Alex would be her hero.

  
Those words so honest and earnest never left Alex’s mind through the years.

  
Such simple words, in essence, were the reason why Alex refused to meet blue eyes while she was in college. It was easier to lie if Kara wasn’t looking into her eyes. It was easier to pretend she wasn’t in love with her sister when there was alcohol in her system. It was easier to crash down and believe she was a failure when Kara wasn’t around.

  
Life made Alex darker while she sulked with self-pity and hatred. Meanwhile, Kara shone brighter than a thousand suns. She was rising almost without effort to reach her dreams while Alex drifted aimlessly through days and nights, so lost when Kara wasn’t around and too proud to ask for help when she was sinking.

  
It was too easy to give up and Alex almost did that until Hank found her at her lowest.

  
“You mean _everything_ to me,” Kara whispered; her hair wet, sticking to her face and exhaustion clear on her face after saving a plane. Alex almost died and Kara couldn’t stand that. “I can’t lose you. Not you too.”

  
A lost planet still weighed Kara down with anger, pain, and loneliness because she was the only survivor of that world. Sure thing, Kal-El was also Kryptonian due to his powers but he had no memories of the culture or even language. He was too young when he left. And then again, Astra and Non weren’t the same Kara remembered. She lost them with Krypton too. Even the idea of her parents shifted painfully until everything Kara had was the broken concept of who she wanted them to be. Reality and her memories didn’t match anymore.

  
Losing Alex would mean losing everything again. Earth would keep going, following its way around the Sun and Kara would be able to do incredible things while the yellow light kept on filling her cells, but the reason she felt at home there would be gone. Losing Alex would mean to lose her ground, the safe place where she could go when she got tired of everything around her. Her powers were a gift, a blessing even although they made things harder.

  
It was easy to hear too much, to see many things without being able to stop all of that. It was too easy to get lost in the crowd and disappear behind a costume. Alex was the one muffling the rest of the world with her kind words and soft voice. Alex was the one making her focus on hazel eyes instead of seeing through walls, flesh, and bone. Kara Danvers was the mask the blonde used day by day to hide her true self and she hoped with all her heart that no one noticed who she really was. It was all because of fear; fear of being exposed, fear of being alone, fear of being lonely.

  
When her world faded away in the darkness of the universe, Kara wished to be human but she was never able to fit. She was always a freak; the odd girl. She was always too strong physically or too weak emotionally. She was always many things that she shouldn’t be and she craved for someone that could see her as the girl and later on, woman, that she really was. She wanted to be Supergirl, to save the world and be a hero because it was exhausting to hide her true self or ignore her call in a world; in a city that needed her so much.

  
However, Kara was so much more than the “S” in her chest or the cape flying behind her. She was strong because of her heart and not her powers. She had warm eyes and not because of heat vision. She was amazing because of the things she did on a daily basis and not just when she went around saving people. Alex knew that. Alex saw that. Alex was the only one that saw Kara as she was from the beginning.

  
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

  
With Kara’s arms wrapped around her, holding her close; Alex could finally relax and share her story. She wasn’t afraid of dying on the plane because she was never afraid of dying. She learned to deal with that while she was younger and knew that being close to Kara would be risky at some point. Alex accepted that path when she finally joined the DEO as an agent and not just as some scientist that would offer her intellectual input. She was there to fight and be in the middle of a battle. Alex Danvers was a warrior but she didn’t need to fight to become Kara’s hero. She stared directly into the death’s eyes and challenged it day by day knowing without a doubt that she would win the fight as long as Kara was there; waiting for Alex to return. Every time, every day, Alex promised her to get back and Alex never broke her promises.

  
When she got stuck on that flight, she was scared; not of dying but of not being able to be there for Kara anymore as the plane started going down. She felt regret because Kara would have to face the world alone and Alex wouldn’t be there to see her thrive. Alex wouldn’t be there to help her pick a nice outfit for a date. There wouldn’t be more movie nights once Alex was gone. Alex wouldn’t have a chance to say “I love you” and for it to mean what it should mean instead of what the world told them it should. They were sisters but at the same time; they were so much more.

  
The universe didn’t mean for Alex to save the world and she wasn’t able to because she lacked the strength Supergirl had. Alex wasn’t fast enough to avoid bullets. She wasn’t a hero that wore a flashy suit or cape. Alex would not put fires down and stop building from collapsing. She didn’t need a secret identity although nothing of that stopped her from being a hero. Sure, she wasn’t meant to save the world but it put her in the right place and the right moment to save Kara.

  
She could never touch the stars on her own but she could hold tight into Kara until both of them took fly. She couldn’t be strong enough to defeat the most powerful being in the world, but she was strong enough to hold Kara when she felt like falling. Alex never felt like light but she was the only star on Kara’s sky; the one that symbolized home.

  
Alex wasn’t perfect, not like Kara was, but she was still loved by the girl of steel and that meant more than anything else.

  
When their lips meet for the first time, Alex knows the truth. She’s way more powerful than Kara will ever be because just a brush of lips against lips can leave Supergirl breathless. The gentle sting of teeth sinking into impenetrable skin can leave Kara powerless, shivering and moaning softly; calling for her; just for Alex.

  
The city had Supergirl but Alex had Kara, all of her. Alex knew about her deepest fears, her nightmares, and her dreams. She encouraged her to meet her goals, to dream bigger and to fight for a voice and a place to be when she wasn’t wearing a cape. Kara was a hero at heart and she was strong in every way.

  
Kara was the universe; the sun and the stars. She was the perfect mix of dark holes and shooting stars. Kara was a sun in people’s lives and she was the moon, attracting the seas and making everyone look up at her.

  
There was no way to deny how big Kara’s presence was, her essence, the way she changed everyone around her and made Earth a better place. There was no way to deny the many ways she changed Alex, with soft words that broke through barriers so easily that they could’ve never been there in the first place.

  
Kara could be the universe, but she belonged to Alex.

  
And Alex couldn’t be envious of her anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think and if you're enjoying the Kalex week! Cheers!


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